I wish I could punch you in the face.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
