We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
