so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
