I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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