My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
