he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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