come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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