You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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