You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
