I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize