erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
