i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
