your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
