i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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