The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
