My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize