Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
