2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize