I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
