I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
