I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
