I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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