how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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