Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
