And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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