I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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