I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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