Already got asked if we're dating
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
