i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize