I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
