Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
