How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
