It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it was like his penis was on wheels.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
