Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
