Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
