I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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