She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
