Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
