I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
