I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
