Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize