Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize