i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize