I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
