Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
