69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize