Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
