Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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