At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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