How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
