that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
