Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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