My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
