He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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