I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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