speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
