god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The struggles of a small town man whore
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
