**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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