all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
