i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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