Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
where are my eyebrows?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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