Non-Jews are for practice
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
