official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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