I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
this just has baby written all over it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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