So drunk its hurt
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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