He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
