you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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