Im at strip club and am horny
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
